why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize