I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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