I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
