new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
