If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
