I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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