I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
