If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
