He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize