Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
