Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize