wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
