i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
