She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
