I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
soo... how was my night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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