I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
