i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
