we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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