Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
