its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
