im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
