Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
