I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
