My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
