U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
