i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
