That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
