he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
