On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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