Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
