my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My life is pants optional.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
