Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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