just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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