So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
