shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
