Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
