3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
birth control should be required to get into college
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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