Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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