She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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