im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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