just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
