she woke up with a sticky ear
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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