the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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