just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
