I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
