I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
