I think I won the penis lottery.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
