Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
