Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
