Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
