By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
