i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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