Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
