If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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