she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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