I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
