I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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