No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
