You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize