I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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