Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
