dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize