I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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