The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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