Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize