which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
