ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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