I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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