Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
